Thursday, May 15, 2014

time and bloom

"And the day came when the risk to remain in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom." - Anais Nin

We've been on poppy watch for weeks now.

Finally the buds loosened their hold.

The blooms are unfurling one by one and the entry way to our home is feeling a bit like Wonderland. 

The petals, now free, give sway in the light and shy away in the shade as they are wont to do.

 These pink beauties are the size of my hand. 

The colours within are ludicrous against their showy frills.

The babes call me over, always excited to tell me that more poppies have bloomed. I love that they stop their zoom on bike or scooter just to marvel at the poppies with me. It's the best, makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. Whether or not I am any good at the gig now is for my children to evaluate. I am my own worst critic, as it is. All I know is that I adore my babes to distraction. 

And I can feel time accelerating on these fleeting toddler days. I catch myself staring at my children, taking mental photographs to commemorate the joy in my heart. Or wishing very hard for a do-over. I welcome (nearly) every opportunity to cook with them. I read to the boy a little longer.  I hold the girl a little tighter. I kiss them both incessantly, tell them I love them every time I think it. 

But on Mother's Day, the wife and I took a good chunk of the day off to reset and reconnect with each other. Because while mothering is an honour I do not take for granted, dividing awareness between children, the family's collective needs, and the-work-that-pays can be a serious a strain -even on a relationship that is 19 years strong. 

So we gave ourselves a break: time away from from Wonderland, just the two of us. We didn't have a destination in mind. We took a couple of buses and meandered through an aimless adventure that started at a yarn store, was followed by a meal at our new favourite Japanese tapas place, and ended at a bookstore. The time we stole was just what we needed to set our restraints aside and move forward together: mothers, partners, spouses, best friends. Such a great Mother's Day gift to each other. 

A belated happy Mother's Day to all my fellow mothers! Whether your title is mother or mothering is part of what you do, I wish you time to take care of yourself and stay connected to those you love so you can return to your Wonderland rejuvenated in all the ways you need. Then hug every single one of your charges. Hold each other tight, then set yourselves free.


  1. You always write so beautifully! It always makes me happy to read your writing. I'm glad you gals had a great Mother's Day. DD is starting to really test us and was in full toddler craziness on Mother's Day. Oh well! What can you do other than hug and snuggle them until they move past it, right? Even when I just want to crawl I to bed and pull the covers over my head :)
    I hope you are enjoying spring!

    1. Spring is lovely so far, Sarah! Thank you - for your greeting and for your comment. Oh the testing of our littles, eh? All at once you're proud at how much she is developing as you're bracing yourself for the very important conflicts in which manners, respect, consideration etc etc fall into play. Good luck! I'm awful at all of it, or so if feels like. But like I say, only the kids can decide, in retrospect, how well I did any of it. The thing is, I keep telling myself, is to try not to flinch and never turn away. How are the plans to move going?